


We are Traumatized.

by Androgonous_nerd_trash_named_mark



Category: Sally Face (Video Games)
Genre: Abused!Travis, Ashley is trying her best and you cant change my mind, Depressive, Episode 4 happened and im milking it for all the emotion i can get, Larry misses his dad, M/M, Phelps ministry, Sad, Sal is sick, Sallyface sad, Thats basically canon yall, big sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 10:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18119261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Androgonous_nerd_trash_named_mark/pseuds/Androgonous_nerd_trash_named_mark
Summary: I write poetry and I was emotional BC SallyFace.:((TW:Descriptions of death and abuse.





	1. Praying hands hurt the worst.

My hands were bloody and bruized.  
They were so confused.  
All my life Father taught me hate.  
On a golden communion plate.  
Homophobia was spoonfed to me.  
But now I can kind of see.  
The outline of a blue boy.  
That brought me an abundance of joy.  
But soonthereafter Father heard the news.  
& my skin was purple and greens and blues.  
Father why I screamed and pled.  
He didn't stop until I was almost dead.  
My bloody body sulked into the ground.  
Until again the blue boy I found.  
My fresh eye bruise caused him to worry.  
But what I said is a memory too blurry.  
Blue boy saw my bruise, he gave me Ice.  
The blue masked boy is just too nice.  
Travis Phelps.  
The boy who nobody helps.  
The baby blue boy who's smile is faint.  
A coffee colored boy who smells of paint.  
A lavender biker girl who smells like pine.  
Travis Phelps who says he's fine.  
The geeky green guy who smells like boyfriends cologne.  
The boyfriend who smells of home cooked pasta and Sunday alone.  
The blue boy who haunts my dreams with comfort.  
But I always end up getting hurt.


	2. The Inner monologue of the damned one.

The hallway was cold and sterile.  
(I'm so scared my hands are shaking.)  
Today is the day that I die.  
(Today is the day I see Mom, Larry, Dad, Lisa,Soda, all of them, again.)  
The officers hold me up, like I'll fall if they let go.  
(. . . I wonder if Chug will hate me. )  
(If soda will be afraid of me. )  
They shaved a circle into my hair.  
(I wonder if mom will recognize me.)  
I walked into the room.  
(Oh God, I dont want to be stuck here as a ghost.)  
They sat me down in the chair.  
(It was uncomfortable and stiff.)  
They strapped me down.  
(Nononononono)  
The room was small, white paint, glass window in front of me.  
(They took my mask)  
I hear a women shout from down the hall "Ma'am he's already strapped down."  
(Who?)  
Ashley runs up to the closed door, locked.  
(Why is she here? )  
She starts banging on the glass.  
(What's in her hand?)  
She is screaming something.  
"I have proof! He's innocent!"  
(That's a picture of larry)  
The officer rolls his eyes and reaches for the switch.  
(Not in front of Ashley!)  
"He's innocent! I have proof!"  
He pulls the switch and Sal begins writhing.  
(Oh my God this hurts. This hurts. This hurts.This feels like every nerve in my body being assaulted at once )  
"NOOOOOOOOO."  
She screamed.  
Sal's body went limp and Ashley's knees buckled.  
Sal, the boy who she rode around on her bike when she Turned 18.  
The boy who threatened her ex's after they hurt her even though he was 5"2.  
The boy who spend Sunday afternoons riding around in the tailgate of Larry's truck with her.  
The one who ate 5 cans of ravioli on a dare once.  
The one who,even after being punched in the face!  
Had mercy for his bully, Sal saw he was just broken.  
Why Sal? Sal was sick. God damnit. He was sick.  
Ashley got up, her own reflection glaring back at her.  
Behind that glass was her only surviving, mentally available friend, and now he as well, was dead.  
"What happened to us??" Ashley says to her self.  
Larry commit suicide, Todd is phycolgically unavailable, Sal murdered an apartment building of people. And her she was, an adult. Friendless. Alone.  
Ashley stormed out of the prison, sprinting to her bike. She hopped on her bike and started onto the road. She didn't know where she was going. She just wanted to act like her friends were all alive, they were just in Nockvelle.  
Not dead, just living in our hometown.  
She wanted so badly to forget the sight of Sals eyes.  
She drove faster, rain starting to fall. She cried and kept driving.  
Nowhere to go and nobody to look for her.


	3. The Itch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Travis Chapter.  
> TW child abuse and violence.

The itch.  
The feeling of being a phony.  
Those harsh words.  
The slammed doors, mothers favorite photo,shattered on the ground.  
The blood running down my face.  
The pain,him, blaming me. Never apologizing.  
The spot on the rug where my blood stained.  
Her questions "what is this?" "Is this blood?  
My complacent silence.  
Better not to mention it.  
Me accidentally hitting him while trying to help.  
His violent outburst, my adrenaline blurring my vision.  
I remember the night he kicked me out.  
It was so cold, Christmas day.  
He called my mom a c*nt and I tried to go cool down.  
He stopped me,saying i always sympathized with her.  
That i hated him.  
I yelled at him, I watched my body boil over, I was scared of myself.  
He kicked me out, cold, numb night.  
Surprise sleepover at a family friends house.  
That night he called me an ungrateful bitch.  
Later, He hugged me,he told me he loved me.  
He promised me he'd try to stop.  
And I believed him.  
He fucking lied.  
I remember being 4 years old, peaking out of my room, seeing her,pinned by her neck to the wall of our kitchen.  
There's a hole in my door, a perfect replica of his fist. Covered by a poster.  
Like my blood covered by a plaster.  
It's so hard to be normal now.  
Maybe that's why I lash out at others.  
Because I want others to feel the pain I feel.  
It maybe it's just a cry for help nobody has decoded yet.


	4. Forgotten Truama Victim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil lost all he had that night. He was so heavily affected by the tragedy, but mostly forgotten by the fandom. He lost his boyfriend, and two of his best friends. Neil deserve so much better.  
> #NielDeservedBetter

Neil unlocked the door, he put his keys on the table and sat down his bag.  
"Todd? I brought home dinner! I got some Chinese food, I know Sal likes it a lot so I got him some too." When nothing but silence responded he tilted his head. 'Maybe they went somewhere?' Neil pondered. 'No, Todd would have texted me if he had.' He argued. He walked up the stairs to the top floor, he turned on the light to see Todd's laptop still opened. He saw a note on top of all the papers. 'Sal just called me from the apartments, something happened. Stay here,Neil. I love you. -Todd ' The note was written messily, like he was in a hurry. Neil turned to see the wardrobe pulled open, sweatpants and house shoes abandoned for clothes fit for the rain. Neil was worried. He pulled out his phone and called Todd. Todd's phone went straight to voicemail. Neil slowly walked down the stairs to the main level. He called Sal. Rang and rang,yet nothing. This was so odd for both boys.   
Not picking up their phones? Not uncommon.  
Leaving randomly? Also normal.  
Leaving vaguely ominous notes for Neil to find? Neil hated it, but they did it.  
All three together though, spelled out that something bad had happened.   
Neil tried to call Larry but again the phone went straight to voicemail, Larry's voice rang through the receiver, but, more quiet and almost regretful. "Don't bother" and then silence.   
Neil began to panic. Where were his friends? His boyfriend?!   
He grabbed a coat and his rain shoes. He sent texts to all three boys and left a note just in case and pocketed his cell phone.   
He got in the van and drove to the apartments, as he approached he saw flashing lights. Bright. He jumped out of the car.   
He saw Sal on the ground,hand cuffed. Covered in, . . . blood?  
He saw Todd being put in an ambulance, Todd screaming, and biting almost feral.  
He ran over and tried to get to him. The police held him back.   
"Hes my boyfriend, please!" The officer made a face,Neil didn't care. The officer asked for a name. Neil tried to,as calmly as possible,explain who he was in relation to Todd, and eventually Sal.   
They finished putting Todd in the truck and Neil begged to ride with them. He was let because legally he was the closest thing to legal family Todd had at the moment.   
Neil climbed into the truck,soaking wet.  
Todd's eyes were . . . Red.  
They had given him a sedative to calm him down.   
Neil held Todd's hands,  
"Neil...?" Todd whispered.  
"- yes baby, its me, it's me I'm here" Neil cried.  
"I dont feel right" Todd groaned.  
Neil responded "I know, the doctors are gonna help you Toddy"  
Todd's eyes were glazed and he whispered   
"I think I'm dying"  
Neil,tears running down his face, ran a hand through Todd's curly hair. "You're gonna be okay Todd. They're gonna take care of you, so will I."  
Todd's hand tightened around Neil's "Hes coming" Neil looked up at Todd, his eyes were growing brighter. Neil looked to the nurse to ask a question about his eyes.   
Todd repeated his action, growing tighter and louder with every repeat. The nurse looked at Todd, "his sedative should have put him to sleep by now" Todd let go of Neil's hand and leaned forward to touch his face. The nurse started to say "Be careful, he is unst--" as she said this Todd leapt forward and wrapped his hands around Neil's neck. The nurse jumped up and hit Todd with an intense sedative, enough for a man twice his size.  
Todd fell,eyes rolling into his head, he slumped back onto the Gurnee.   
Neil was in shock.   
" He, . . . Tried to." The nurse rubbed Neil's back. "Oh my GOD! What did Sal DO to him?" The nurse continued to numb Neil's back. Comforting him.   
Little did Neil know,that small conversation in the Ambulance would be the last conversation he had with his boyfriend to date.


	5. Dear Larry, Its Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry writes a letter to his past and future selves.

Larry looked down at the notebook on his desk. He was in Ms.Winstons English class, it was Friday. That meant Journal day.   
The writing prompt was written on the board in Ms. Winston's almost cursive handwriting 'What would you say to your past self?' And 'What would you say to your future self?' Larry taped his pencil against his red notebook. Little doodles in the margins of the page. He started writing.

Dear past Larry,   
Hey, I'm you but like, older.   
First thing: It wasnt your fault. I dont know if Dad left or if he had to go. I dont know. All I know is that it wasnt your,or our fault. We were a kid, he was supposed to be a father but he abandoned us, and mom. Second: Dude, be nice to mom. She loves you so much, I know it's 'not metal' to be a mommas boy. But who the fuck cares? Our mom deserves to have us appreciate and love her. So get to that lil me.   
Third: You're gonna meet this super cool guy named Sallyface and hes gonna change your world. Hes gonna be the ying to our yang and the peanutbutter to our jelly. Best bros. Hes gonna need you,and your gonna need him. Dont pry for what's under his mask, it's a prosthetic,dont be an ass.  
From current Larry. 

Larry put down the pencil in his hand. He looked over at the clock. 25 more minutes, ish? He glanced over the room. Maple was in this class,pretty nice girl. Quiet, has a massive crush on chug. Does chug notice? Nope. Larry looks back down at the notebook. 'One more letter thing to go' Larry starts the new letter.

 

Dear future Larry,   
Yo dude. What's up dude.   
Okay so like, um, is dad....? Nevermind.   
I hope moms good. Give her a hug for me if ya can.  
Are you dating? Married? Do you have a partner and 2.5 kids and a white picket fence?  
How is Sal doing? I hope his new medication worked out fine. He started it, two weeks ago. Keep him safe for me? I dont think you'd even think about not but still.   
Is Travis still around? Has he come out yet? Because Sal accidentally told me a bit too much about Travis. He an asshole and a bully. And I'd beat his ass if he even looked at any of my friends. But i feel like somewhere in that pitch black soul of his has potential. Let's hope he can get out of that church soon.   
Yeah. I dont have any more questions really. The winning Lottery numbers? Social security number? The 3 numbers on the back of your card? The new sanity falls cd?  
Come one future me gimme a second.  
Rip.  
\- Larry 

 

Larry stopped writing and looked up at the clock. He closed his notebook and started to pack, other students followed suit.   
Larry felt almost calm. Like he had let go of something eating at him. Larry smiled to himself as he exited the class. "Maybe see what Sal thinks?" His mind pondered. He threw his bag onto his shoulder and walked out of the classroom. Waving at a certain Bluenette.


	6. Daddys little girl.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy was asleep.  
> Daddy told me so.  
> He said it was bath time.  
> The water was so cold.  
> Daddy got angry.  
> No Daddy that hurts.  
> Now shes awake.  
> But nowhere to go.   
> Soon a blue boy will come.  
> He is the path between us and them.

Her nightgown was too big on her.  
Mother said "You'll grow into it for sure"  
It was grey cotton,with a lace neckline.  
She was naive, and her eyes did shine.  
Her mother hid her away.  
But she just wanted to play.  
"Dearest child, take this you will be protected"  
A small silver cross hung around her neck.  
Mommy had a friend that Daddy didn't know about.  
He was sweet like the candy he gave out.  
But Daddy soon learned of the special friend.  
And unbeknoewest to Megan this was the end.  
Daddy got angry,his eyes turned red.  
And he hurt Mommy on their bed.  
She covered her ears and cried and cried.  
He told her "mommy's alright" he lied.  
"Go to the bathtub Megan" he told.  
He ran a bath but the water was cold.  
"Daddy this isn't bath water!" She cried.  
Daddys motive didn't stop when mommy died.  
He forced her in the water and she shook like a leaf.  
You could hear the chatter of her teeth.  
"Daddy this isn't a bath" she was afraid.  
He put his hands on her shoulders,his debt wasn't yet paid.  
He put all his weight on her, and held her summerged.  
All the air from her lungs was soon purged.  
Her voice echoed around the apartment.  
"DADDY NO" her voice lent.  
Her nighty was soaked and her hair was a mess.  
Her body was floating as her father did Caress.  
She was just like her mother, in so many ways.  
Her smile,her eyes and the way her hair lays.  
The water was cold and her face was pale.  
The water calmed as she ceased to flail.  
She sat up, her small hands a ghostly white.  
Her eyes were glazed & her chest was tight.   
Little dearest Megan, just a girl who misses life.  
There will be a boy with pigtails who will soon cradle a knife.  
Dont be afraid for you're never alone.  
Mommy still loves you let it be known.


	7. Lisa loves her boys.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sal had hoco tonight. What is he gonna wear??  
> He shows up at Larry's door, but not for Larry this time. He needed, dare I say, a womens touch?

Sal was never a formal kinda guy, he liked to wear things for comfort, not for style or image . Sal raided his closet, searching for something semi formal enough for homecoming. Todd, Larry and him were all meeting downstairs in the basement where Larry would drive his moms old pickup to the school. Chug had gotten a ride with Mapel so they they could go to dinner before hand. The crew had to go pick up Ashley and then they could go to the dance. Sal thought again, frustrated, he grabbed all of his most formal attire and went downstairs in the elevator. He slid the card swiftly in the reader as he silently thanked past Lisa for gifting him that card. He arrived and knocked on the door, Lisa opened it, smiling at him "Oh hey Sal, Larry is st-" Sal interrupted "Actually I wanted to know if you could help me? I ... dont know how to dress formal." Sal said rubbing his neck, Lisa cocked her head to one side and smiled at the boy, nodding. She let Sal inside the homey apartment. Lisa had Sal lay the clothes he had on the table and she picked out a few outfits for him to try.  
A black button up with a red checkered tie, a baby blue button-up with his only pair of black dress pants. She looked as Sal tried on the outfits. "They all look fine but there is just not enough Sal peaking through. "I want an outfit that screams Sallyface" She said, smiling. Sal went to change back into his clothes, and Lisa looked through the stack again, this time finding something new, a black skirt. She Ponder the thought for a second , and decided to pair it with a baby blue button up and set it out for Sal to try. Sal came back and saw this arrangement, he responded "I forgot I had that, It was Ashs but It got too small for her, so she gave it to me, as a gift." Lisa smiled, and sal took the outfit to try on. Lisa grabbed what she knew was needed next, a tie. She looked through the stack that Sal had brought and found only gentleman's ties- his father's probably. She thought hard and went to her room, pulling open the closet she pulled a box down from the shelving unit and set it on the dresser. She opened it and saw what she needed. Amongst photos, jewelry, her wedding veil, she found the small black bowtie that he had worn at their wedding. She grabbed it, closing the box and returning it to the shelf, her heart a flutter. She walked back into the living room to see Sal standing there in the outfit. She smiled and approached him, putting the bowtie under the collar and adjusting to his neck length. Lisa stepped back a smiled. The skirt was just above the knee, and Sal had put his sneakers back on, the blue matching with the Shirt. Lisa smiled and turned Sal to face a wall mirror opposite them. "What do you think?" Lisa asked, Sal responded, a bit of glee to his voice "its... good." He sounded happy. Lisa smiled at him in the mirror. He touched his pigtails and said "I want to do something with my hair but I dont know how to do anything fancy or cool." Lisa smiled "Mind if I try Sal?" Sal nodded and Lisa decided to try to french braid his hair into his signature fluffy pigtails. It looks nice, and it also was functional and wouldn't be in the way while Sal was dancing or headbanging. Sal smiled (although through the mask, lisa could see the crease of his eyes.) And thanked Lisa. Suddenly the pair noticed Larry, dressed in black attire with a red tie. His hair was still a little wet from the apparent shower he had just gotten out of. He laughed, his baritone voice a familiar comfort to Sal. Lisa frowned at her son and said "you'll get your clothes wet, Larry, go dry your hair! " Larry puckered his lips and turned to walk back to his room. Sal thanked Lisa again, turning to follow Larry into his bedroom.  
Lisa sighed, she adored her boys. Sal was like another son to her, he meant so much to her, she could never hurt him. She knew how much the boys meant to each other, they were close as you could get. Lisa felt tears prick her eyes, thinking back to when Larry was younger, when he blamed himself for his father's absense. Sal came along and made Larry see the world in color again.


	8. Reboot (Part 1)

Ashley walks down the street, her hair frizzy and unkempt.  
She approached the building, its windows are boarded still.   
The people who lived, loved and grew up here, have long since been forgotten.  
Exept for Neil, Mapel and Herself.  
For some reason they were spared, they were the only survivors of the group.   
Todd, although alive, isn't himself anymore. That person in that straight jacket who screamed at Ashley when she entered was NOT Todd!  
She walked around the side of the building, to the treehouse.   
Ignoring the 'no girls alowed' sign, written in red paint in a childs handwriting.  
She climbed the ladder and pulled herself up.   
She sat on the abandoned bean bag, her tears started to fall.  
"Larry?" She quietly said. Larry's ghost appeared quickly, his face veined and washed out.   
He looked at Ashley and his face fell. Ash looked up at Larry "I went to the prison, he was already in the chair, I banged on the window. Begging for them to stop and think again- "   
Larry's eyes widened, "what happened Ashley?"   
Ashley slammed her fist down on the wooden planks of the treehouse, her eyes fiery "He's DEAD Larry! And it's all my fault!" Ashley cried.   
She felt like a world she couldn't see was judging her every move.   
She felt like her hands had blood on them, that she had hurt Sal in attempt to help him.   
Larry's ghostly form paced back and forth, his hands wringing his hair. "Fuck, Ashley, my best friend, I cant believe it!" Larry angrily spat.   
He wasnt angry at Ashley, he was angry at the world, the universe, whatever entity decided to play sims and write a whole universe off.   
Ashley got up and walked towards Larry, "I want to hug you, I know I cant but I can pretend" Ashley wrapped her arms around the air that Larry was possessing, he did the same to her.   
**


	9. Reboot (Part 2)

**  
It was cold, the snow was melted, Ashley's hair was a bit longer. She had started going to a community college in Nockfell, falling back into her hometown.   
Embracing the things her boys loved, the pizza place that had video games. The park at night, even the nooks and crannies of Addison Apartments.  
Sals things were given to her, she was the only one who wanted them, Including the gearboy.  
She went upstairs, the 5th floor, she'd never been up there. She wandered through the halls, hearing nothing. She wandered into one of the apartments, the master bedrooms bed was all pulled apart and destroyed, 'rats, probably' Ashley thought to herself. She wandered into the bathroom, the machine beeped quietly at her. She stopped, setting down her back pack she said "If someone is here, please show yourself." Her voice quivered with anxiety. Suddenly a noise filled the room and reconstructing flesh filled her sightlines. The ghost of a young girl appeared before her, a cross around her neck. Her nightgown was tattered and her hair was a wispy purple. "... shit." The girl laughed, "Not as bad as Larry's first time up here! But still, language!" Ashley crinkled her brow and knelt to the girls hight. "Hi I'm Ashley, what's your name?" The purple girl laughed again, not creepily but more like, she was relieved. "My name is Megan, and I know who you are! You're Sallys girlfriend! " Ashley had to hold in a laugh, "Me and Sal weren't a couple though" Ashley said teasingly. Megan smiled and said "Well you should be, next time you see him, take him on a date!" Ashley wanted to laugh for a moment, but then she realised. Megan thinks Sal is still alive. "Megan, um, Sal isn't around anymore." Megan's face crinkled up and she asked "Why?" Ashley thought and said "Sal did something bad while you were gone, but he didn't have a Choice. But people wanted to punish him for the crime, even though he couldn't control it. " Megan nodded Sadly "Is he... like me?" Ashley thought and said "I don't know, the room where he died is off limits for me now" Megan frowned "Larryface is like you though, he is in the treehouse outside Megan" Megan's face shifted. She wasnt completely alone in these shutdown apartments, she had Larry. Megan yawned and smiled at Ashley "I dont know if he like liked you, but he certainly loved you, and my Mommy said that's what matters in the long run, bye bye Ashley, I hope I get to see you again" The ghostly girl faded out and Ashley sat alone on the floor of the abandoned bathroom.   
She did go back, to talk and discover more spirits. She found many, Chug and Soda, Lisa and Henery, Robert. She would take pictures and hang them in her apartment.   
Ashley was making up for lost time, she just wished Sal was around to see it.


	10. A distant shore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry has never been to the beach, Sal misses the beach, he misses home.

Larry painted, his eyes were focused on the colors, the maroons and light blues all contrasted so well. It was a painting of two flowers, one tall and redish, a little rough around the edges. Nearbye another flower, more purple grew proudly, there was also a stem that had been snipped and the flower taken. There was a blue flower, it was smaller, its petals were torn and destroyed. The flower was replanted in a new home, adopted by new soil. The destruction of the petals was criss crossed, more destructive then Larry meant it to be. The blue flower had little buds growing, their leaves were healthy. The flowers were growing, they had hope because of one another. They were depending on one another. Larry had painted a sunset background, one over the water. Larry had never been to the beach and Sal always commented how he missed it. Maybe one day he'd see the beach.  
"Maybe..." he mumbled as he signed the painting and set it aside to dry.  
\-------------------------------------  
Larry was exhilarated, he had never been to the beach. Ashley, Todd, Chug and him (and all of his other friends at different points) used to run down the lake and swim when the summer was hot and the air was humid. He remembered those days, his hair would always smell like earth after he swam. Now him and Sal stood in their hotel room, the windows open and the smell of salt wafted stong in the air. They were dressed in their swimming clothes. They rode the elevator down and strolled out to the beach. Sals eyes lit up as he stepped onto the warm salty beach, Larry took in the moment, his first time at the beach. They walked down, Larry almost fell after stepping on the cliflike edge of a sandune and gravity calling him. He caught himself, Sal laughing. Larry wore a old Paint ruined Sanity Falls shirt that was just a smidge to small now, and black and orange swim shorts. Sal wore a loose tank top that read "Bluenettes have the most fun" Blondes having been crossed out and bluenettes rewritten by Ashley and Larry for a joke gift in high school. He had Navey blue swim shorts with yellow dots on the sideseams. They nodded at each other, Larry took off his shirt (he didnt wanna get paint in the ocean) but Sal kept his on. Sal had applied sunscream in the room and forced larry to put some on his nose and ears. The boys turned toward the ocean now, Larry was almost nervous, werent there sharks and stuff? What if it bit him? Sal saw worry written across Larry's face and grabbed his hands. Dragging the taller boy into the water, Sal fell backwards, Larry being pulled down as well. They both came up for air coughing and spitting. They looked at each other. Sal was nervous because he though Larry might be mad at him now. Larry begun laughing and Sal soon joined in. Larry was in hip deep water and Sal was at his shoulders almost. They laughed, the sun beat down on the water and the boys spashed each other and swam for an hour or two until the sun started to set.   
They sat on the beach, hotel towel drapped over Sals shoulders as the sun said her last goodbye and dipped below the horizon. Somewhere the sky was pregnant with the hope of a new dawn.


	11. New Apartments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sally just arrived in Nockfell, he misses home.

Sal wanted to go home.   
He didn't wanna move.  
He wanted to lay beside his mothers grave, sink into the soil and embrace her.  
The smell of summer wafted through the car windows.  
Every once and a while Sal and his Dad would laugh about a song or a bad driver.  
"You gotta watch out for other drivers, Sal"  
Sal noddedd solumnly.  
"This is our new home Sal"   
Henry said as he pulled into addison apartments.  
Sal nodded faintly, looking intensly at the trees and sky, they were nothing like they were in Jersy.  
Henry pulled some boxes out of the trunk, handing Sally a box. The box he was holding was labled "Kitchen stuff" in Henry's messy handwriting.   
"The air us certainly cleaner then in Jersy. Isn't it?"  
"Yeah, . . . It is"  
Sal wanderes through the well lit hallways, up the elevator to his floor. Henry leads him to the front door of their apartment, holding the key in his right hand, he unlocked the door and let it swing open.   
The apartment was dark, and smelled musty.  
"Welcome to your new home Sal"  
Sal missed his old bedroom.  
"I know it's smaller than our old house"  
He missed his friends, even if they secretly hated him, they were familiar to him.  
"But a fresh start will be good for you, Sal"  
Sal missed his Mom.  
"I know its not home yet, but soon it will be"  
Henry russled Sally's hair and smiled.  
"You go make some friends I'm going to unload some boxes, buddy"  
Sal wanted to smile, wanted to weep.  
Wanted to be expressive.   
But his face always stayed the same.  
His face never changed.   
He was stagnant.  
Trapped.  
He had no choice.


	12. Blonde hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sal passes out in class becuase emotional trauma.  
> AN:  
> This is based vaguely on a drean I had last night where i passed out in history and busted my head on the tile floor.  
> Also!!!!  
> Its finals season boiiiis so imma be a bit sporadic in posting. (Like I have been) but when summer starts (AKA june) i have a lot of trips and stuff, (downtime in cars) so ill update alot then babes.  
> Thank you for reading.

Sal was sitting in class, the sun streaming through the windows. He was staring at the back of this kids head. She sat in front of him. Her hair was blonde, like white blonde, Lighter than Travis' hair, tied around her hair was a pokadoted blue headband made of fabric. He felt like he was supposed to be remembering something, like deja vu but more intense. He looked at her hair and something hit him.  
"Mom...?"  
The girl in front of him ignored Sally's inquiry but soon Sal's head was swimming with scenes and fallacies. He remembered blonde hair, coated in thick congealed blood. Her pale skin, yellowing and bruised.  
The voices were booming.  
"Baby? Where are you Sally? Oh, OH my GoD SA--!"  
"If she never had you maybe she'd be alive"  
"Failure" "Worthless" "Freak"  
Sal's head had been swimming, now it was drowning.  
The memories, the blonde hair, his own injuries. He remembered a closed casket funeral that he almost couldnt go to for fear he would die of dehydration and blood loss. His hands were shaking now, his lips- whats left of them- quiver as his eyes betray him. The room is spinning, the walls melding into each other, the teacher words like static. He feels a hand on his arm, he glances over. Long brown hair stared back at him, the teacher stopped talking. Short dirty blonde turned to glare at him, he stopped and his face softened for a second at Sal.  
The girl in front of him, the blonde girl that looked like his blonde bloody history turned and faced him.  
"Sally? Are you okay?"  
The girl asked.  
Sal's mouth moved before his mind did.  
"I-I'm fin--"  
Sal's body falls limp, his weight collapses in on itself. His body falls out of the the chair, his head meeting tile as he fell. He tried to get up, Larry, or maybe Ashley? Brown hair, Had hands on his shoulders. Orange hair stood next to them, speaking to the blonde girl. The teacher, Mr-- Mr.-- Sal couldn't remember. The teacher rushed over, pushing aside the brown hair and onlookers he sat on the ground, pulling up Sally's head.  
The teacher said something aloud and someone with short dirty blonde hair pressed the emergancy wall button. Soon a nock was heard, a police officer, the nurse and several admistrators were there. Sal saw the nurse had a wheelchair.  
"-- It,,, it's okay, I-I'm fine"  
Sal said, the words chopped up and Sal's breathing was labored.  
But here, Sal's mind falls to blank and eveything fades to black. The teacher helped Sal into the wheelchair, the nurse wheeled him away while everyone else stayed and talked to the faculty about what happened.  
Sal went to the nurse, she found he had a small cut on his neck from the fall but otherwise he was physically fine.  
Sal couldn't hear the words of others that he passed in the halls.  
"What the hell's wrong with that kid?"  
"Shit is he bleeding? Did he try to kill himself or something??"  
"Isn't that the fag that wore a dress to homecoming? Probably got whats coming to him"  
He was in the nurses office, head wrapped and on an ice compact. The nurse had called his dad and he was hopefully on his way.  
Sal awoke as he heard a quiet voice speaking to the nurse  
"Can I see Sal? I was worried about him"  
It wasn't Larry or Ashley, they had gone home already, It wasn't Todd either. He had psychology this period and his teacher never let him out of class.  
Sal looked up and saw something unusual.  
Blonde hair.


	13. A blanket of white

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry has a nightmare, but reality is just.as confusing and horrifying.

I wait on baited breath, my lungs a catacomb for words I should have said. Or rather words I did say that fell on deaf ears. My vision blurs and shapes begin to morph into familiar patterns that mirror the human form. Eyes at every window, hungering mouths that wish to feast, the hushed voices just out of earshot. My paranoia is controlling. I check the locked door, the stench.of decay was inavasive. The hands. Grabbing, reaching for something just out of reach.  
Larry wakes with a gasp for air.  
His bedroom is dark.  
The room is freezing and Larry Can't tell why. He drapes his feet off the bed onto the carpet, running his eyes across his dim bedroom.  
Then he notices it, the door to the back of the apartment building, open just a crack. He stands, streching as he walks towards the door. He pulls open the door and cold air bites at his toes and nose immediately. Larry looks down at his bare feet, his phone lay on the floor.  
"Gotta charge that. . ."  
He says as he grabs his phone off of the ground. He turns back to the door to close it, he stops as he sees something.  
A figure, he rubbs his eyes, it can't be him.  
"... Dad?"  
The figues unwavering form, Larry feels something pulling at him. Something internal, something feral and raw.  
Larrys eyes fill with angry tears, he throws the door open all the way and strides into the cold unforgiving outside. Larry's feet grow numb, as do his fingers. He sees his Dad, gone for what, a decade? Standing, smiling, under the treehouse.  
Larry has heard his mother cry for this man. Larry has cried for this man.  
And here he is in the middle of january, standing in the snow at what must be 3 am. The snow picks up, Larry's teeth begin to chatter. He is almost there now, the snow was a blanket of white over the horizon. Larry begins to run. He can't loose sight of Dad through the snow, he can't loose him again. The snow crubles under his feet, Larry sinks to his knees. He pulls himself up and continues trying to run though the snow towards where Dad was last.  
Suddenly Larry's hands, outstreched hit something. Something familiar and rough. Something forgotten and remembered again but then its gone. They wood of the tree comes to life under Larry's fingers. He opens his eyes and sees nothing. He looks around, the blanket a white giving him a headache. The cold was in his bones. The snow melted into his skin, he shook.  
"Dad?"  
Larry's voice died in the wind.  
"DAD?"  
His voice fell on deaf ears.  
"I can't loose you again!"  
Silence covered the landscape. The only sound was Larry's heartbeat and his labored breathing.  
'I n e v e r l e f t "  
It was a whisper on the breeze, silence followed it. No breaths. Larry glanced around, he saw the door to his bedroom.  
He watched in horror as the door swung shut.  
Larry ran, through the snow covered grass and parckinglot. He came up to the door. Pulling on the door it wouldn't budge, he knocked, nothing.  
The snow was starting to coat his eyelashes with frost and invade his clothes.  
He was going to freeze to death in this blizard if he didn't get inside.  
He knocked louder. Nothing.  
He remembered! His phone.  
13% - He dialed up is mom, the phone went to voicemail.  
10% - He tried 3 times.  
Running his shaking hands through his hair he glanced up at the sky.  
7% - He sees a window, still lit up at this hour. He recognises the window.  
5% - Sals bedroom window, he fishes for his phone and taps Sals name.  
3% - Sal started dialing, and finally connected.  
\------------------------------------  
S: Hello? Larry?  
L: Sal, I'm stuck outside  
S: What?? Like, where?  
L:Behind my aparment. Look out your window.  
S:[peaking out the curtains and waving] I see you, but, why??  
L:I'll tell you later, I need you to come let me in.  
S:Right now?  
L: Yes, I- [coughing] I think I'm getting frontbite on my feet.  
S:Larry, are you barefoot?!  
L: Questions later Sal .  
S:Okay, I'm on my way down. See you in a minute.  
L: see ya Sallyface  
1% - -end call-  
Sal pulls on a winter coat and slips on some slippers and his mask. He grabs his key card and the spare key Lisa gave to Sally for the basement.  
He goes to the elevator and rides down, picking at his fingernails. He gets there and hurryingly unlocks the door, he shuts it quietly, walking through the house with stealth as not to wake up Lisa. He opens the door to Larry's bedroom, everything is in its place, except, snowy footprints. Leading from the door to Larry's desk. Full of homework, art and photos of Larry and his mom. The footprints stop, but Sal doesn't. He storms over to the door and tries to pull it open, its locked. Sal unlocks the door with a shiver.  
He pulls open the Door and Larry stumbles in, all the blood has left his face. His lips are almost blue. His eyelashes are frosted over. Larry's clothes were soaking wet, cold and almost frozen. Sal steps foreward, supporting his taller friend up and leading him to his bed. Sally goes over to Larrys dresser and grabs the warmest pair if pyjama pants and a thick nockfell high sweatshirt. He gives them to larry and Larry puts on the new clothes. Sal wraps him in blankets and helps him get comfortable. Sal sits down in front of Larry on his desk chair.  
"So . . . What happened?"  
Sal asked quizativly  
Larry sighed,  
"Lemme tell ya later, sallyface"  
Sal rolled his eyes and watched as Larry fell asleep. Sal got up, cleaning up the snowy clothes and putting them in the washer, he shot his dad a text telling him where he was.  
He made some hot choclate and as the sun rose outside, Sal sat in the kitchen and drank. Lisa soon woke up and was startled to find a certain bluenette in her kitchen.


	14. Sal regrets this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE

Sal could feel the weight of the eyes on him. The clear, milky eyes, red veins trailing through the white scelera of her eyes. Her skin was cold, too cold. The pastor at the funeral . . . was a tall dark haired man, who's skin had a peachy tint. He spoke with too much of a lilted voice for a funeral. Sal remembers being restless, his fathers hand on his small shoulder. He still had the white bandages, a sippy cup full of water in his hands. Loosing that much blood made you dehydrated so Sally was required to drink as much water as possible by his trauma doctor. Here Sal was, Years Later, This trauma, these memories, all of these things. They pushed Sally off the edge. He would become so numb, his mind would move like molasses and his hands would shake. And he would make mistakes. Smoking with Larry helped sometimes. But this time Sal knew he couldn't tell Larry. Sal felt the itch, the want, the need. Sal got up, loose and clumbsy. Sals hands ran across the rough grain of the dresser. He knows he shouldn't, he knows that he'll regret this but he can't help the itch. Sal reaches behind his head, letting his mask drop, pulling the hair ties from his blue locks. He breathed in deeply and exhaled. He opens the drawer, grabbing the razors he had hidden there. He remembers how he animalisticly tore open one of the disposable razors that his father bought for shaving. He stumbles back over to his bed, the sinking feeling overcame him as he sat down on his bed. His mind moved suddenly with fluidity as he thought "Should I really do this?" His mind was a chorus of overwhelming criticism. Sal took one of the razors, cradling it gently, he pushed the razor down into his pale discolered skin; cutting a one inch, horizontal gash into his forearm. The blood came, not gushing. Just small pinpricks of crimson rising to the surface. Sal relished in the feeling. The sting, the relief. He lifted his unmasked face to the ceiling with a twisted grin. Sal, looking back down, dragged the sharp tool horizontally again, a centimeter under the first. His reaction was similar. Sal did this- this ritual for several minutes, his skin grew more and more red. The blood flowed in choppy instances, dripping onto Sals hands and pants. Sal cut once more, the pain suddenly awkened him. His mind falling back into normality, he saw the bloody mess he'd made. His face fell into a frown. He wiped his arm off, the blood slowly trickling to a stop. Sal pulled down his sleeve and lowered his head in shame. "I can't believe I- . . . Fucking-- _OW"_ Sal leans his head down and wretched sobs pour out of this broken blue boy.

Sal falls asleep, dreams that mimic memories, flickering out like a candle, his skin a horrid reminder that he is unstable. 


	15. Momma's Rosary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Domestic abuse  
> Domestic Violence  
> Religious mentions  
> Toxic masculinity  
> Travis' father gets home from work fuming about something Travis did. His mother tries to help her son while risking her own safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Domestic abuse  
> Domestic Violence  
> Religious mentions  
> Toxic masculinity

Travis was sitting in his bedroom.  
The walls were a maroon tint and the curtains where white. The room was bare of posters and photos. It was clean, the sheets were washed pressed and the bed was made.Travis sat in his desk chair, lightly doodling on the back of his math homework.   
He heard the front door open from downstairs, with was odd because Travis was on the 3rd story. Travis payed it no mind, his father probably had a bad day and as long as he stays out of the way, he'll be fine. Travis sat up straighter as he heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.   
Suddenly the bedroom door flew open, hitting the wall behind it with a loud 'BANG'   
Travis jumped, looked with wide eyes at his father. His father was speaking but Travis' senses begun to fade as he fell into mental lockdown. His father said something that rung in Travis's ears " STAND UP!"   
Travis is confused, startled and scared as he stands up and follows his father. His father storms out of the room while yelling. The words flew past Travis quickly, never connecting with his brain. He didnt know what his father was angry about but it didn't matter.  
His father was Angry and Travis was to blame.  
Before Travis can follow his father out of the room his father rushes back in. Travis begins to back up away from his father. But before Travis can process what's going on his father puts his hands on Travis' shoulders and shoved him back. He looses his balance, falling harshly back, barely missing the desk with his head. Travis looks up at his father, his hands crossed in an X in front of himself. His father is still yelling, the words muffled and gargled as Travis goes numb. Travis is using his feet to push back on the carpet, pushing him farther from his fathers wrath but closer to the desk that is now above him. Travis' fathers hands are on Travis' head. Father shoved Travis' blond head against the desk. The metal peice hits Travis and it stings before he knows what happened. Travis' father leaves the room, his voice carrying across the house.   
The words echo is his ears now.  
"You disrespect me"  
"Men don't cry"  
"God will not love you"  
He hears his fathers footsteps down the stairs and the sound of his study door open and close. Soon Travis' heard his mother's quiet and careful footsteps on the carpeted floor. He heard drawers opening and closing and the sound of a zipper. He felt gentle palms on his face and closed his eyes as she quietly prayed over him and his safety. Travis stood up from the floor, being several inches taller than his mother. She looked up at him, she handed him a duffel bag full of some clothes, a Bible, a water bottle and some food. She told him in a quiet, affectionate tone.   
"Go out honey, wherever you want, I love you so much"   
She then kissed him on the forehead and handed him 30$ and a rosary. She walked out of the room, picking up a cup of coffee from the hallway table. Travis' Mother went down the stairs one by one with Travis.   
"When you hear me knock on his office door I want you to run, Travis. Run and don't look back, you hear?"  
Travis did as she requested, when he got out the door, he bolted. He ran and ran, until he only saw trees. The sky was still blue and bubble like cloud communed in the sky. Travis laid down on the off green grass and closed his eyes.   
And begun to pray.   
"Dear Lord--"


End file.
